Winter is coming…
Prime day is coming…
Still not right?
It’s that lovely time of year when people who pay $119 per year for the privilege of spending their money at the world’s largest business unlock special discounts for spending more money.
Thank goodness Amazon is online. If they had physical inventory, I imagine we’d see hordes of trampled people at Whole Foods stores all across this great country right about now.
(The way things are going these days, I’m surprised no misinformed shoppers have stormed the million square foot warehouses yet…)
In any case, it’s June 21st. So today and tomorrow, it’s epic deals time, per Amazon marketing.
To celebrate the occasion, Amazon’s even put together a prime day show featuring Billie Eyelash, who I can only assume will be whispering some of her Gen Alpha hits, H.E.R., who I’m clearly not cool enough to recognize, and Kid Cudi, who will help us all pursue some happiness via more junk to fill our homes with.
In preparation for this great event, I spent 4 minutes browsing the prime day landing page, where I learned all about the best deals on e-Black Monday.
1) 50% off Amazon Echo Dots
If you didn’t have enough CIA wiretapping into your daily life, the Echo Dot is 50% off. So in exchange for the luxury of not having to get off the couch to change the next tune, you can give up every last ounce of privacy we’re all clinging onto.
2) 10% off on TVs*
*With one small piece of fine print – you gotta open up an Amazon Prime Credit Card. Who needs a card with thousands of dollars worth of travel points and life experiences, when you can get one that gives $100 bucks off a tool that sucks 4-5 productive hours away from the average American every day?
3) Rent The Wolf of Wall Street for dirt cheap
At first I thought it was strange that Amazon was devoting an entire banner ad on their ultra-valuable digital real estate to an 8 year old movie, but then I realized this was some sort of personal recommendation for The Money Wizard, who the Amazon algorithms have clearly realized is interested in finance-related topics.
In other words, just another friendly reminder that they’re always watching…
The actual best way to save money on Prime day
Want to know how to save more than 10%, 20%, or even 50% on your prime day purchases?
We’re talking 100% savings on all Prime Day deals…
Ready for it?
Don’t buy anything.
I know, I know. Blasphemy to say on America’s favorite unofficial holiday.
But at times like this, when the full force of a multi-billion dollar marketing budget is deployed by one of the world’s most powerful companies, it’s worth reminding yourself that you probably don’t need any more stuff.
Admit it, your closets are already bursting at the seams. And last year’s Prime Day impulse buys are probably a distant memory. They might even be collecting dust or thrown out already.
How are those New Years savings resolutions going, by the way?
This whole article is parody. We at My Money Wizard LLC love Amazon, and we recommend you start all your Prime Day shopping using our affiliate links so that this website makes money. Money that we will certainly use to buy more stuff on Amazon.
Amazon associates reps, please don’t ban me…